I know. But a girl can only stay strong for so long when all she's got to hang onto are vague flickers of hope.
I try my damnedest not to get sucked into false hope or false anything else. For my own sanity, I have to keep it real.
- You're not mine.
- I'm not first on the list.
- I served my purpose, you got what you wanted, and our friendship is done.
- Locking the doors doesn't help shit.
- Liar. Liar. Liar. Can't be trusted.
- I'm an acquired taste.
- I'm damaged goods.
*sigh* Not facing facts will never lead to anything good. So I keep it real, and it helps me avoid bigger hurts down the road. Even if I bleed a little now, it's better than bleeding out later.
If it's not real, well then I can't hold onto it. I have to let it go. And the only thing I've truly found to hold onto was the steering wheel of my Mustang as we took that first real turn and felt it stick and move. That...yes, that...is what I've had to hold onto today. Shifting through the gears and feeling those G-forces just enough to know I was pushin it.
So that's what I'll hold onto for tonight. Because my bed is empty. My friends have their own lives. And all I've got is me.
-Kat
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