If It Was You & Me...

At this age, we all carry baggage. Some of it just is, some of it we struggle to leave behind, and some of the burden follows you around no matter how often you try to stuff it in a fuckin dumpster. I've done pretty well in the last couple of years of losing some key pieces. Which is good. But I usually forget how heavy my baggage still is until someone reminds me of the mess and threat that always walks behind me.

Throughout the the last seven year plus years, I've gotten a depressing insight/reality check from a couple of my closest male friends. It goes something like..."If it was me and you, your ex would be a problem." *sigh* Just what a girl wants to hear.

Not necessarily a problem between me and him, but a recognition of a battle that he'd have to fight if he were my partner. And not a very simple or pleasant battle at that.

I have no choice but to deal with my ex's drama as it comes up. Over the last seven years, I and everyone around me has witnesses how he's enjoyed pulling strings and attempted to control me. It's been my ugly war that I've fought on my own with limited resources.

The depressing insight/reality check/conversation came up again the other day. It's ironic. I've been divorced for years, but my ex still is and will be a factor in my relationship status. IOW...he will likely keep any man away from me. Now this isn't news. I've always known that if I were in a relationship at some point my crazy ex would escalate his usual drama of financial threats and intimidation. But to hear it and have it pointed out...from the strongest men I've ever known? Fuck. Well...that pretty much sums up my assumption that there's little hope for me.

I've always known that any man who chose to stand with me in life would have to be a strong, competent, confident, and somewhat aggressive male just because of who and how I am. Not asking for much, am I? But the requirements are probably even harder. Reality is...Because he'd have to fight next to me in my battles against sociopath...he's probably going to have to be a fucking hero too.

And there just aren't that many heroes to be found now-a-days, are there?

-Kat