Walking Down Memory Lane

The last couple of days - actually couple of weeks - there's been a number of quick trips down memory lane. Some sweet. Some painful. After years of trying to put my past in the right perspective and to accept what is and is not now...taking that little walk isn't really something I enjoy.

There are places I don't need to revisit. It's not that I'm ignoring my mistakes or my past, but I've found my peace and forgiven myself for my weaknesses and failures.

Yes. There is beauty and laughter and joy there as well. Some I will never forget. Some have been the only thing that carried me through my darkest hours. But I can't live in those moments either.

I am here today. Looking at now and tomorrow. Next week. And next year. I have what I have within my reach now. I will not hold on to dreams I've let go of, and I try very hard not to allow past mistakes effect today. If something is not real now or possible tomorrow, then it is not something I can emotionally afford to spend time, effort, or energy in exploring or rehashing. I just can't. I have to build on what I have. And given that so much has crumbled in the last few years, I have a lot of construction I must accomplish if I'm ever to do more than just survive.

While I will honor the moments I have always cherished, I have to get to a place where I can feel joy and hope in the present tense. With who, what, how, and when that will happen...I don't have those answers yet.

But I'll know them when I find them.

-Katherine