Yes, I believe people can change if THEY want it enough. But too often change is considered being someone or something else. We can't grow a third arm. Why would anyone expect such a radical alteration in someone's mentality?
At various points in my life, I've repressed pieces of myself. Or tried at least. lol And always failed. Each time was an effort to please someone else. To gain their approval and acceptance. To not fail.
It's a terrible feeling to do your best and still fail miserably.
I've finally accepted the obvious. I am not for everyone. I've never wanted to be. But often times I've become involved in situations I believed in passionately, only to realize the other individuals associated with the process couldn't accept my approach. Oh they liked my results. They fuckin' loved my results. But I wasn't the woman they expected. I didn't conduct myself demurely or submissively enough for their tastes.
Over the last 18 months, I mistakenly tried to adjust myself to blend in. I stopped moving forward and hid myself in a corner. I gave others the knowledge to accomplish goals, the direction to move forward, and the ideas to strengthen positions. But I gained nothing...I simply tried to survive.
My goal now is continued survival while expanding my internal horizons. I seek to discover and fine tune who and what I am, so that eventually I may find a place where I belong.
Katherine
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